The mind is a fascinating thing. It has the ability to repress hurtful events, to protect us. Or to let a memory surface right when we need it to. It is resilient. And at times, our own worst enemy.
Think about a time when you might have been depressed. It probably felt like the sadness lasted forever. Yet, we have learned that emotions only last 10-15 seconds. What perpetuates the negative feeling is our negative thoughts. That tricky brain of ours will keep ruminating on these negative thoughts until we retrain it and make it get off that carousel.
1/28/10
1/27/10
I'll Take Quotes for $100 Alex
“Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it.” – J. Petit Senn
No, I don’t know who that is either. Of course now I need to know. Hang on, I’ll be right back. Ok, I didn’t find out much more other than he was a French-Swiss lyric poet who lived 1792-1870. But apparently he had a few good quotes, so here is one more:
“Let us believe neither half of the good people tell us of ourselves, nor half the evil they say of others.”Ok, so I am warning you now that this post is going to come across as terribly trite, hokey, cheesy, insert your own adjective.
Let’s examine the first one. It’s so true, right? I mean when you’re looking for the “next great thing” you very likely miss the little things. Case in point. Last summer was a difficult one for me for many reasons. Actually it was by far the hardest time period I have ever experienced in my life. And one day, Todd and I went to the West Side Market. Afterward, driving home with the windows down, the sunroof open, and the sun washing over me, I felt such joy, peace and unadulterated contentment. Nothing “big” had happened. Nothing had actually happened at all. But, there I was, with my best friend, having just done an activity I enjoy, and basking in some amazing weather. And for that moment in time, all was right with the world. Or in my world anyway. And all that mattered was that moment. So getting back to the original theme of this blog, I am grateful for the clarity to appreciate those types of moments, however insignificant they may seem to someone else.
Also, I promise I won’t make this a habit, but I need to wax poetic about my husband for a minute. Todd is a complex, loving, interesting, funny, intelligent man. I am amazed, especially through this past year, the depth to which love can exist and be expressed. I truly know what it is to be married to my best friend. And for that, I am so blessed.
Living in the Moment
I have taken some classes in dialectic behavior therapy. The foundation, the cornerstone, the main principle of DBT always comes back to one thing: Mindfulness. To be mindful is to be in the present moment, truly experiencing whatever it is you are choosing to do, mindfully. For instance, writing this blog can be a mindful exercise, if I focus on what I am writing rather than thinking 3 sentences ahead to what I am going to say. I used to have a few things I did for mindfulness. I wrote in a journal, I painted (not well at all, mind you) and I made jewelry. I would even venture to say that baking and cooking used to be mindful activities for me. But then I started getting paid for my baking and for my jewelry. And somehow, it ceased, or at least lost some of the shine, of being a comforting, enjoyable activity. You always hear people tell you “do what you love and you will never work another day in your life.” Well, based on my experience, I don’t know how true that is. I mean, I love to bake. I love, more so than the aesthetic perfection of a well-decorated cake, the total bliss I feel with that first bite of the perfect cheesecake. Maybe I am just rambling here. Lots on my mind and trying to figure it all out.
Let’s end this post with a mindfulness exercise from the book “1001 Ways to Live in the Moment”:
# 324 Be a true friend. If someone in your life has an annoying habit, such as lateness or untidiness, step out of the cycle of criticism and accept their flaws. You’ll create inner space in which to appreciate their good points, and gain more peace of mind.
And how about one more….
#3 Knuckling Down. Spend a few minutes doing this simple exercise in mindfulness- that is, full attention to experience. While seated, empty your mind and hold your hands palm down as if about to do some typing. Now look closely at your knuckles. Get to know them so well that you’d recognize them, from the patterns they make, in a close-up photograph. Pick, say, three main ID features. You might ask, what’s the point of all this? Well, you’ve been concentrating on a specific task using your powers of observation. During this time you’ve not been thinking about anything else – you’ve not been worrying about either past or future. You’ve learned something – however small – about yourself. And, you’ve gained a little practice in living in the moment.
Namaste.
Let’s end this post with a mindfulness exercise from the book “1001 Ways to Live in the Moment”:
# 324 Be a true friend. If someone in your life has an annoying habit, such as lateness or untidiness, step out of the cycle of criticism and accept their flaws. You’ll create inner space in which to appreciate their good points, and gain more peace of mind.
And how about one more….
#3 Knuckling Down. Spend a few minutes doing this simple exercise in mindfulness- that is, full attention to experience. While seated, empty your mind and hold your hands palm down as if about to do some typing. Now look closely at your knuckles. Get to know them so well that you’d recognize them, from the patterns they make, in a close-up photograph. Pick, say, three main ID features. You might ask, what’s the point of all this? Well, you’ve been concentrating on a specific task using your powers of observation. During this time you’ve not been thinking about anything else – you’ve not been worrying about either past or future. You’ve learned something – however small – about yourself. And, you’ve gained a little practice in living in the moment.
Namaste.
1/26/10
Random Thoughts
Last night lying in bed, I had two strange, unrelated, unprompted memories pop into my head.
The first was of me in english class as a high school sophomore. We were reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and our teacher gave us an assignment to memorize the famous “To be or not to be…” speech. We were to memorize it and then on the assigned day, we were to come to class, put a blank sheet of paper on our desk, and write out the speech verbatim. As an extra credit bonus, we could choose to stand up in front of the class and recite the speech out loud. I was the only one in the whole sophomore class that chose to do that. That was something I never understood. I mean you already have the speech memorized, why not go ahead and earn the extra credit, and avoid your hand cramping from so much writing? Why do people choose the easy or “safe” route, when excellence, or at least something above mediocrity is so close and within their grasp. I think for the most part we are all born with a similar capacity for learning. Some just choose to apply themselves more than others. Then again, according to some philosophers, we are born already knowing everything we will ever know, and learning is actually just a way to reactivate the memory of the knowledge we already possess. Interesting.
The second memory, as I said, completely unrelated was of last year when we were vacationing in Naples (Florida that is). I remembered strolling down a street in the shopping district and walking into a little french shop. And I remember how strong the smell of stinky cheese was as it assaulted my nose and I could almost taste it in my mouth it was so potent. As much as I wanted to turn around and run out of there, I did make my way over to the display case to see the pretty painted chocolates. After all, we have to remember the small pleasures in life sometimes too.
The first was of me in english class as a high school sophomore. We were reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and our teacher gave us an assignment to memorize the famous “To be or not to be…” speech. We were to memorize it and then on the assigned day, we were to come to class, put a blank sheet of paper on our desk, and write out the speech verbatim. As an extra credit bonus, we could choose to stand up in front of the class and recite the speech out loud. I was the only one in the whole sophomore class that chose to do that. That was something I never understood. I mean you already have the speech memorized, why not go ahead and earn the extra credit, and avoid your hand cramping from so much writing? Why do people choose the easy or “safe” route, when excellence, or at least something above mediocrity is so close and within their grasp. I think for the most part we are all born with a similar capacity for learning. Some just choose to apply themselves more than others. Then again, according to some philosophers, we are born already knowing everything we will ever know, and learning is actually just a way to reactivate the memory of the knowledge we already possess. Interesting.
The second memory, as I said, completely unrelated was of last year when we were vacationing in Naples (Florida that is). I remembered strolling down a street in the shopping district and walking into a little french shop. And I remember how strong the smell of stinky cheese was as it assaulted my nose and I could almost taste it in my mouth it was so potent. As much as I wanted to turn around and run out of there, I did make my way over to the display case to see the pretty painted chocolates. After all, we have to remember the small pleasures in life sometimes too.
1/20/10
Hello? Anyone Out There?
So yesterday I printed out some of my blog posts and gave them to my mother to read.
After a while I asked her what she thought. She said she didn’t know what I expected. I explained that I was just wondering what she thought of what she had just read. She explained that she enjoyed my writing style and thought I was funny. But, she didn’t understand the point of a blog. Not just mine, but blogs in general. Why do people write them she wanted to know.
So I thought about that. Why am I writing this blog. As far as I know, nobody is reading it. So I am writing it for myself, but why?
I guess it is a form of catharsis to just write things down. And while the concept of a traditional journal is wonderfully nostalgic and stirs up images of sitting in a comfy chair, by the fire, with a blanket wrapped around me, my dog by my side and a hot cup of tea on the table nearby, well that just isn’t real life and not terribly convenient.
With a traditional journal, the whole point is the allure of the privacy; you can write down your deepest, darkest thoughts, and they are all yours (provided you don’t have siblings or nosy parents). With a blog, you give up some of that privacy, although it is possible to maintain anonymity by using a pen name. But I think part of the allure of a blog is that anyone CAN read it. It is out there. Maybe someone will read it and relate to it. Maybe someone will read it and share a comment that makes you smile, or gives you a greater depth of insight into something.
It’s a funny thing to think about as I type this. Would I prefer to be anonymous so I can write anything I want? Or would I prefer to have hundreds or thousands of people reading this? I need to think on this a bit.
After a while I asked her what she thought. She said she didn’t know what I expected. I explained that I was just wondering what she thought of what she had just read. She explained that she enjoyed my writing style and thought I was funny. But, she didn’t understand the point of a blog. Not just mine, but blogs in general. Why do people write them she wanted to know.
So I thought about that. Why am I writing this blog. As far as I know, nobody is reading it. So I am writing it for myself, but why?
I guess it is a form of catharsis to just write things down. And while the concept of a traditional journal is wonderfully nostalgic and stirs up images of sitting in a comfy chair, by the fire, with a blanket wrapped around me, my dog by my side and a hot cup of tea on the table nearby, well that just isn’t real life and not terribly convenient.
With a traditional journal, the whole point is the allure of the privacy; you can write down your deepest, darkest thoughts, and they are all yours (provided you don’t have siblings or nosy parents). With a blog, you give up some of that privacy, although it is possible to maintain anonymity by using a pen name. But I think part of the allure of a blog is that anyone CAN read it. It is out there. Maybe someone will read it and relate to it. Maybe someone will read it and share a comment that makes you smile, or gives you a greater depth of insight into something.
It’s a funny thing to think about as I type this. Would I prefer to be anonymous so I can write anything I want? Or would I prefer to have hundreds or thousands of people reading this? I need to think on this a bit.
1/19/10
The Bucket List Begins
Thank goodness I have the ability to laugh at myself. I find my quest for perfection easing up a bit. I am a flawed human, and that is ok. I think it makes me more interesting. I am grateful I have the ability to recognize that now. I still have ambitions and goals but I realize now, that there really is no clock ticking over my head. Why do I always feel like I am in such a rush to achieve, achieve, achieve. It’s enough to give someone a nervous breakdown. Maybe it is the culture of today. Everything is so immediate, no one can wait for anything. Where has all this urgency come from, and what do we gain from it? I don’t have the answers, but I do think it is good to pose the question.
So, as I mentioned, I have some goals. Maybe I should list them here so I can be accountable. Now if anyone is reading these, they are goals, not resolutions, and there isn’t necessarilly a timeline associated with them, with the exception of one, which will become quite clear. This is actually a combination bucket list/goals. Ok, here goes:
1. I would like to become a published writer. (No, this blog does not count). I don’t know if that means writing an article for a newspaper or magazine, or writing a book. I do know that I fancy myself a pretty good writer believe I have good story-telling abilities, and I would like to channel that into becoming published.
2. I would like to start a charity or non-profit. I am not yet ready to disclose here who the beneficiaries of the charity would be, but it is medically-related. One of the goals of this charity, aside from fundraising, would be to change people’s perspective on the matter. But first, I need to change my own.
3. I would like to be nominated, and selected for, Crain’s Cleveland 40 under 40. I would like to feel like I am making an impact. And, who doesn’t like a little validation?
4. I would like to have my own business. Yes, I have the cake thing going, www.indulgencecakes.com, but that is more like a hobby I get paid for at this current time. I would like to narrow down my varied interests and skills and begin to focus on a specific business.
I am going to let that marinate for a while. Knowing me and my type-A ways, this is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't wait to see what else it yet to come!
So, as I mentioned, I have some goals. Maybe I should list them here so I can be accountable. Now if anyone is reading these, they are goals, not resolutions, and there isn’t necessarilly a timeline associated with them, with the exception of one, which will become quite clear. This is actually a combination bucket list/goals. Ok, here goes:
1. I would like to become a published writer. (No, this blog does not count). I don’t know if that means writing an article for a newspaper or magazine, or writing a book. I do know that I fancy myself a pretty good writer believe I have good story-telling abilities, and I would like to channel that into becoming published.
2. I would like to start a charity or non-profit. I am not yet ready to disclose here who the beneficiaries of the charity would be, but it is medically-related. One of the goals of this charity, aside from fundraising, would be to change people’s perspective on the matter. But first, I need to change my own.
3. I would like to be nominated, and selected for, Crain’s Cleveland 40 under 40. I would like to feel like I am making an impact. And, who doesn’t like a little validation?
4. I would like to have my own business. Yes, I have the cake thing going, www.indulgencecakes.com, but that is more like a hobby I get paid for at this current time. I would like to narrow down my varied interests and skills and begin to focus on a specific business.
I am going to let that marinate for a while. Knowing me and my type-A ways, this is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't wait to see what else it yet to come!
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